Posts

Hope

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  I keep on bumping into the sharp edges of our memories together..hoping that time will make them round and smooth and happy as we were happy... desperately wanting to look back and smile seeing you smile back at me .. holding on to my new reality, grasping for the hand of the one who loves me now.. who let's me cry and grieve for you and gives me hope and love for the new "us"... Moving forward hand in hand. 

Old songs hit hard

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The amount of tears I am crying in the backseat of cars while old Hindi songs play..Akhil used to sing and he did it so well..O Mere Dil Ke Chain, a Song by Kishore Kumar keeps on playing on the radio wherever I am and the raw pain hits me ...never will I hear him sing again while he is driving us home from a shoot or meeting ... The love for those songs he gifted me...I just wish I would have listened more,learned even more from him.... Kishore Kumar's  Mere Sapno Ki Rani we used to sing together...and he had such fun movements and expressions...not while driving of course... Rhim Jhim is the first song I kind of learned... Now Monsoon is coming and he isn't here to sing with me... Mere Naina Sawan Bhadon

Moving on

Every step I took in Bharat you were by my side. Every holiday in Germany you were there with me. Now I am walking those roads alone with your memory by my side. The biggest ups and downs personally and in my career you were there. It is difficult to make people understand that we were not close but one. And it is time to move on... having to remind myself that I am not leaving you behind, that I didn't abandon you but that I am building upon what we had. What made me into me ... Walking new roads...making new memories. Not alone but with someone by my side who loves me. Am blessed that we found each other without searching  I need to go on to stay alive. Building a new life as my old one is completely gone except for a few very good friends that are like family. Abandoned by many, helped by cherished few ones.  To new beginnings... And new love ❤️ 

Beyond pronouns

 In a world that's so much for equality and awareness of gender,sexuality and the diverse field of pronouns I often wonder about something totally different.All that yelling and shouting about getting pronouns right and then I look around and see completely different problems... Problems we all have,all go through,all need to know how to handle ... I feel like we are all not equipped how-to be empathic, how to understand someone else's problem and circumstances...how to navigate sickness,mental issues,death in all its different forms.. be it sudden or drawn out ... how to be when a loved one is dying bit by bit every day.. what to say to a woman who lost her baby before it was born...how to be open and there for someone else without hurting so much. How not to be flippant, how to listen and actually understand what the other person is saying.Most of the time we are caught up in our own lives and dramas and yes...that's important as we live here,now,and in this society... Bu...

You were my reason to be

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You were my reason to be... You were my reason to flourish,strive,be successful,be happy... You were the reason to make this flat a home...fill it with love and laughter... You were my reason to go and conquer the world. You were my reason to smile... You were my reason to be ....

Storm inside my heart

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There is a storm raging through my heart screaming out your name...but you can't hear me... you stepped over the line where I can't follow you...and I don't know why I am still here...why you left without me...the one I want to be with,the one I want to talk to,the one I want to make smile,happy,feed,love,cuddle has gone in a blink of an eye..and I am left with empty hands and a full heart not knowing what to do with myself and all the love I have for you...

Without you 💔

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  I can't cuddle,whisper in your ear,hold your hand,sooth your fears,exchange silly,fun,serious what's app..fight the world together.Discuss politics,watch TV Shows...go for walks, taking pics together,doing our videos ...  You will never see me on screen again and I will never see you in a new character... we talked that day on the phone about how many spoons of millets u would need as I wasn't home ..u sent me a video of the new hot water geyser.. I sent you hearts you sent me your favourite emojis 🥰😘 I don't know how to go on as the person who would know isn't here anymore